I need not say much here. I take this dose of happiness on a near daily basis. It's one of my most favorite food indulgences. There is, however (and always), a fine line between the momentary comfort and happiness of a spoonful of anything --and an addiction to numbing out and lazy eating habits. Be honest -- do I always bring the dark cloud to the silver lining?? ;-)
While not all things in life are certain, today, I will most definitely eat peanut butter from a spoon.
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| But it's a lie. I do always eat peanut butter. |
Day 50: Fixing Something
If I had been keeping up with my writing schedule, Day 50 would have occurred on Valentine's Day of last year. (Just for reference and a small glimpse into my capacity for self-discipline--today is November 25). Had I been entering on schedule that day, my post would have been very cynical--an inability to fix something that was terribly broken. With several months of hindsight, I can see perfectly that sometimes things need to break for something stronger and better to rise up out of the debris of destruction. I don't want to obfuscate unnecessarily here -- but if I one day have the freedom and the mettle to write publicly about the woes of an untended nuptial bond, I will.
I have fixed things before, though I do not classify myself as a "fixer" of broken things. I can repair a toy I've assembled (usually) or replace dead batteries or lightbulbs, but if fixing requires some knowledge about the internal workings of a machine, I'm going to defer to someone more qualified. Or a YouTube video.
When it comes to fixing my own mistakes, I can be slow to act. My ego will waste an inordinate amount of time defending, justifying or blaming another before I squarely face an amends process. But, thank God, in these cases, slow and steady wins the race.
Today I will help to fix what is broken.
Day 49: A Hug
Hugs are certainly happiness bringers most of the time. There are a couple of exceptions; unwanted hugs and hugs from undesirable people can cause anxiety for me. There is, too, that tense moment when two people do not know the correct course of action between a handshake and a hug, so a hand goes out from one and arms open from another. It's nice to see that in 99% of these cases, the end result is a hug. The handshaker succumbs to increased connectivity.
Today I will give and receive hugs with humility--in a spirit of willing connection with others.
I see this bringing happiness to people, but I actually dislike eating in bed. Even in the hospital with all the accoutrements and the bed-meal set up, I'm not a fan. What I think does bring us the most joy, however, is that someone (usually someone we're fond of, usually someone we live with) was thinking of us and presents that thoughtfulness to us in this act of love. It brings me much happiness to bring someone else breakfast in bed :-)
Today, I want my first thoughts of the day to be of how I can be of service to others.
Day 47: A Long Bath With a Good Book
Evening plans tonight?? We'll see. I love baths, but have never been able to really sit very long in one. And reading in a tub just seems like a wet book result. We'll test this happiness theory without delay.
Today, I will read a good book in a long bath. (why the hell not?)
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| Hold the martini and up the lit value and I could be 007. |
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| Sometimes I wonder if Dalton Trumbo just felt like the writing process wasn't hard enough. |
Day 46: Having Weird Friends
I wouldn't consider myself a "weird friend" collector. It was so important to me growing up to not be "weird," that I chose people with whom I could effectively numb out or disappear. Occasionally, I've had a friend I cherish because he is so unabashedly himself--and that "self" includes a candor or dorkiness that makes people cringe (including myself). I have accumulated a few more of these as I've gotten older and more comfortable with my own brand of "weirdness." I wish I'd had the courage to know these people sooner in my life.
Today I bow to the divine weirdness in you.
Day 45: Using a Pen 'Til the Very Last Drop of Ink
As an angst-filled writer in my adolescent years, an English major in college, a graduate student in English Literature, and a high school teacher, I have had my run of pen deaths. It's always a sad occasion because if I've kept a pen long enough for its ink to run out, I loved the pen. If a pen and I do not connect in the first couple of uses, I discard it. There are few things I tolerate worse than a pen that doesn't flow well. However that makes me sound . . . so be it.
Today I will be grateful for all the pens I've loved before.
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| Multi-colored Papermates(sans red) = favorite grading pens |
Day 44: Skiing
When I was growing up, my family was more of a beach family for vacations. If we ever did go into the mountains, it wasn't to ski or camp. It was because we were having a family reunion or were along on one of my dad's cardiology conferences. In either case, it was never the dead of winter (there was never snow) and we stayed in cabins --away from any lodges or campgrounds. But, I did ski a few times as a kid. I would go with a friend on her church's youth group trip, or the school would have a class trip to the snow. I always had to re-train on the bunny hills, and I never looked cool doing it.
We took our first family trip to the snow last year. The plan to put my children in a "kids' camp" for the entire day (while Joe and I learned to ski again ourselves) nearly killed me. I thought, Joey will never stand for this. He will make those poor camp leaders' lives miserable for the eight hours it lasts (is that long?). Joe urged me several times to pull myself together.
I may have never been more wrong about something. The children loved their day (and the next) learning how to ski. I realized, it was I who was afraid of the separation. I had never left my children for an entire day with complete strangers to learn a brand new physical activity they might hate! I think, too, I was scared of the day. Scared of being terrible at skiing in front of this man I'd been with for 15 years.
As always, I broke through the fear and we all had a wonderful time. I will always remember our first family ski trip with tremendous fondness, and I can't wait to return to the snow this year.
Today, I will wait patiently to ski again.
Day 43: Fancy Stinky Cheese
I am happy to report that I have seldom been in the presence of such a thing. The most exotic cheese I encounter is brie, then blue cheese (which I detest more than Peeps). I choose to be around less pronounced cheese: provolone, cheddar, maybe muenster . . .
Today, I will continue to avoid fancy, stinky cheese.
Day 42: Being Unapologetically Yourself
For as much happiness as this brings, it's both amazing and sad that this doesn't happen more often. I'm quite familiar with being apologetically myself. As I age into this world, I find it becomes easier. In nine more years, I believe I will no longer care what anyone in the world thinks about anything--let alone what they think of me.
Today, I will strive to cease and desist all apologies for my me-ness.
I experience this happiness most often with my children. There is no doubt that my kids laughing together is my all-time favorite sound. My son, Joey, however, has an absolutely infectious laugh that usually emerges at the height of its being when we are driving in the car or at bedtime. He uses it like a superpower to keep the party going.
Today I will work to evoke my children's laughter.
When I was growing up in Virginia, I always loved the flash of the lightening bug (or, as some books and Yankees call them, "fireflies") because it meant a few things: SUMMER, evening, time on the Eastern Shore where my grandparents and cousins lived, outside, and achievable goals. Lightening bugs are very slow-flying insects, like ladybugs. Children can catch them with ease and allow nature to crawl all over them without fear of harm or pain. Such an important interaction to have with the world.
Today, I will NOT chase fireflies, because I live in California's Bay Area, but I will trust Nature's plan for its creatures.
Day 39: Waking Up to a Beautiful Day
Undeniably. I think the trick to true happiness, however, is believing every day to which you awaken is beautiful.
Today (11.16.18), I will see the beauty (amid the smoke).
Day 38: Finding Coins in the Sofa
I suppose my level of happiness here depends on the denomination of the coins found. A ton of pennies just seems like trash. But, the sofa as a "swallower" of objects has been a lifelong problem for which I'm pretty grateful. It means a home and a comfortable place to be. And, of course, the coins found in the sofa, for me, have been an accidental discovery when looking for a remote control, phone, and/or keys. They are never what I'm actually looking for--which bespeaks ease and comfort as well.
Today, I will be mindful of all that I have.
Day 37: Doggy Breath
Admittedly, this is not something that always makes me happy. Labrador retrievers make me particularly queasy with their breath. Now, puppy breath is a different thing entirely. I can say in all sincerity that puppy breath is one of my all-time "happy" inducing smells.
Today, I will appreciate my dog's breath.
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| "Here's our darling Scarlett" (Halloween 2017) |
Day 36: Saying the Same Thing at the Same Time
Rarely, but sometimes, I feel suddenly and utterly connected with another person. When I realize I have had the exact same thought as another person, and have expressed that thought in the exact same verbiage, I experience kinship. This happens most often with my siblings -- and with movie quotes.
Today I will listen for the sameness.
Day 35: Having Your Work Appreciated
This is certainly a happy occasion for me. I also live for validation. You like me! You really really like me!
I think many people want to be appreciated for not doing very much -- and when they are not, they become resentful. At the end of school years, we have "staff appreciation" lunches and "awards" lunches. These can breed an awkward air of competition and defensiveness in some people. Some colleagues either don't attend, or "harrumph" through the entire event. Others (often repeat winners) never expect that they should be publicly recognized for doing the passionate work they do. It's a fascinating difference between people. I suppose the real goal here is to love the work you do -- that, in and of itself, should be its own reward.
Today I will appreciate someone's work.
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| From me to you |
Day 34: Spinning on an Office Chair
It might be the only fun thing in an office. The chair was designed for comfort and efficiency, no doubt (and those of us of a certain age recall the visual of Michael J. Fox as Alex P. Keaton, high on amphetamines, pulling an all-night study session). But a little kid emerges when we take time to utilize the chair to its full potential--a boring room's merry-go-round.
Today, should I sit in an office chair, I will swivel and spin.
Day 33: A Freshly Sharpened Pencil
As a writer, a teacher, and a continuing student, writing implements are as important to me as font selection. I don't opt for the pencil often, but when I do, I insist on a #2 and well-sharpened. I detest mechanical pencils--even though they are always "sharpened." For me, a new, long, sharpened yellow wooden pencil with a barely worn pink eraser is the essence of school. And school (again, for ME) is a good place to be.
Today, I will write with a pencil--and be sure to sharpen it for later.
Day 32: Finding the Perfect Pair of Glasses
I began going blind in the 4th grade. Apparently I was squinting so badly from the front row, my teacher thought I might need glasses. I reluctantly wore them (in school only) until I got contacts in 6th grade. I remember very clearly one of the "mean girls" in middle school making fun of me for getting contacts so I "wouldn't look like such a dork in glasses anymore." Sheesh. Mean girls--never at a loss for something to be mean about! Long story short: I overwore my contacts. All day, all night. I even slept in them for 6 weeks during the summer when I was away at camp. So, a middle schooler with little to no eye care routine set the stage for how I would continue to treat my eyes through high school, college, graduate school, and early teaching career. Badly. And always.
When I returned home from El Salvador in the summer of 2008, my mother noticed that my left eye seemed to be "bulging." She immediately diagnosed Graves Disease and said I should have my thyroid checked. I did. Results negative. This led to a "Euthyroid Graves Disease" possibility--which means, simply, you have a thyroid problem, but your thyroid is showing you have no problem. After a little while longer, and a consult for plastic surgery to lower my lid (or raise the other, whichever seemed appropriate), the doctor suggested that I stop wearing contacts for a while and stick with glasses. After a year of wearing glasses, my eyes were pretty much back to normal--I had literally been suffocating my eyes with contacts. My left lit was retracted in a heroic effort to compensate for the oxygen deprivation and was thus giving the appearance of "bulging."
So, to conclude a long, rambling anecdote about nothing in particular, I will say I fully embrace wearing glasses--30 years after that 4th grade shame. I am not uber picky about my glasses style. The lenses need to be as small as possible to avoid the coke-bottle effect. That is all ;-)
Day 31: No Dirty Dishes in the Sink
Oh lord, is this true. Many days, my mother-in-law is the bringer of such happiness. Unicorn that she is, she arrives to my house in the early morning hours so she can take the children to school and my husband and I can get to work on time. Because she's not much of a "relaxer," she will occupy herself with household chores I have not gotten to. Yes, I admit it. She enables the hell out of me.
I've never been one to wash a dish the instant it is dirty. I tend to let them collect in the sink. Luckily, my saturation point is pretty quick--about a 36 hour period. If the cooking has been little, maybe a little longer. There is great satisfaction in clearing the sink of dishes.
Today I will wash the dishes in the sink
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| One day my mini-me will help me wash dishes!! |
This is a regular occurrence in my house. Now. It wasn't when I was 16. I like mornings, when it's quiet. Often it's my most productive time of the day--time to read, fold laundry, wash dishes, grade papers, etc. I like the sound of the Keurig (sorry, Earth!) making the first cup of coffee in the morning for me. There's something promising about the morning--especially if I can remind myself to say a quick prayer or send my thoughts to someone else before they zero in on all I didn't get done the night before and all that stretches out before me.
Today I will enjoy the morning silence
Day 29: Looking Down On Your Hometown From a Plane
There's no place like home. I love landing in Richmond, Virginia. It's nothing much aesthetically, except the immense sea of green during the summer landings. I just love knowing that I will be home, in my parents' house, with my siblings and my nieces and nephew. No matter how long I live in California, Richmond, Virginia will always be home and I will always feel immense joy as I fly into it (and immense sadness as I fly away from it).
Today I will be grateful for my hometown
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| RVA |
Day 28: Dancing Like Idiots
Mmmm. This is a good one. I remember middle school dances having the same repeatable time frame: for three quarters of the event, one hangs with one's same-sex friends and scouts out the potential love matches and a final quarter of the time spent "dancing like idiots." WHY? Why did it take so long to break through the social anxiety in order to get to the fun part? Every single time? Nobody would go to dances if that last quarter of time didn't exist, and yet no one is willing to kick it off from the beginning. And lest middle school dances get a bad rap here, I've witnessed the same thing at most weddings, holiday parties, charity auctions, etc. But what a great feeling it is when that social barrier finally succumbs (either to alcohol or simply the passage of time) and the uninhibited dancing is underway.
I attended an away summer camp from 6th grade through 9th grade. We had a dance every week and, although everyone loved the dances, no one wanted to actually dance for the first hour or so. I remember the songs that were always reserved until the end that made it so we didn't want the time to end: Steve Miller Band's Greatest Hits (any, but mainly "Joker" and "Jungle Love"), Otis Day and the Knights' version of "Shout" (featured in Animal House), Don McLean's "American Pie" and Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" --looking back I can see what a bizarre mix that was for a bunch of 11 year old kids.
Nowadays, we just have Idiot Dance Parties in my kitchen while I'm making dinner. As Brene Brown says (and I paraphrase), "I can gauge the health of our household by how much dancing is happening in the kitchen." For me, it's less than I'd like, but I'll certainly take it.
Today I will dance like an idiot, and I'm taking someone with me!
Day 27: Blowing Out Birthday Candles
The excitement of blowing out birthday candles for me was threefold: the extra candle for the new year (and thus the challenge to get them all in one breath!), the faith in wishes coming true, and of course eating cake afterward. As I've aged (thank God no one feels like counting out 40 candles!), the greatest happiness is sharing the activity with my children who are so preciously excited about blowing out candles--even more than they are excited about the cake, which is almost unimaginable.
I feel like I can retrospectively say that something remarkable about making a wish and blowing out candles is the very spiritual practice of letting go. It's a moment in which you feel as though you've taken action in your life ("I wish John Adamson would ask me to go with him!") and yet, simultaneously relinquished all control to whatever Wish Granter you believe exists "out there." The happiness that arises from that latter feeling of "Welp, it's outta my hands now" is subtle, but powerful.
Today I will make a wish and let.it.go.
Day 26: Music That Takes You Back
For me, there is a very narrow window of early Eighties pop that makes me extremely nostalgic: Toto's "Africa," Genesis "Against All Odds," Journey "Open Arms," Men at Work "Down Under," Jackson Browne, "Somebody's Baby," and definitely 80's country: Randy Travis, Crystal Gayle, Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton, etc. This music takes me back to pre-school and early elementary at the latest. But, these were seemingly happy times.
I detest music from the late Eighties and early Nineties. For one, excepting a few "alt" groups like Nirvana and Pearl Jam and Jane's Addiction, it's mostly crap (Tone Loc, The Spin Doctors, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, Paula Abdul, Firehouse--really?!). Secondly, this time period canvases middle school and high school for me--not fun times, particularly. Not times I care to be "taken back" to.
Today I will be grateful for where I've been--as a shaper of where and who I am today.
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| I used to wish I looked like Susanna Hoffs. Did anyone else see The Allnighter? |
Day 25: Tropical Drinks
I'll admit, these were much more fun when I put alcohol in them. Now they are just icy sugar liquid with coconut flavoring. So, while these have brought happiness in the past, I cannot say they are a go to these days--with or without tropical climes.
Today I will ponder what helps me relax and get in vacation mode.
Day 24: When You're Really Excited to Show Something to Someone
This is a fun feeling. I think the last time I was REALLY excited to show someone something it was the day I started this blog. In wanting to share it, I do think I was trying to hold myself accountable to this formidable blog project. But, in another self-seeking motive, I'm sure I thought, "How many people can I get to congratulate me on what a sweet, healthy, well-adjusted person I am--on my brilliant idea and my clever execution and, of course, my excellent writing?" Pfft. Barf.
This excitement can actually be pure and genuine, I think, when I am excited to give something to someone--not because I need recognition for being a wonderful person, but because the thing I have to give is needed and unexpected. Something that would communicate, "I listen to you. I care about you."
I see this excitement most often in my children. It's amazing how rarely they keep their experiences to themselves. When watching movies, looking at YouTube videos, building with LEGOs, sculpting with Play Doh, coloring, reading stories, playing games, they want me to know it is happening and to verbally acknowledge the experience. In some respects, they are constantly seeking connection with me. In others, they are working to determine what in this huge vast world before them is real and worthwhile. I realize the day will come when they no longer require my affirmation of their experiences (*sniff).
Today I will show something to someone.
Day 23: A Pancake Breakfast
The great thing about pancakes is the implication of free time. Pancakes happen in my life on weekend mornings when I make them for my family. They are mixed and made in the luxury of nothing to do but make pancakes, and that is a happy time. OR, pancakes happen because we've decided to go out to breakfast or brunch somewhere. The only thing better than having the time for making pancakes is having the money to pay someone to make them for you :D
Today I will cherish my free time and use (at least some of) it to provide for others.
Day 22: Bumping Into an Old Teacher
This can, in fact, be a very happy time--IF the student/teacher relationship was a good one. God knows there are many blighted school experiences because of harmful teachers. I have fond memories of most of my teachers from Kindergarten all the way through graduate school.
I generally do not like bumping into students outside of school--especially if they are currently in my class. At best, it is awkward.
Today I will make a friendly approach to people I recognize out in public . . .
Day 21: Joining a Line Just Before It Gets Really Long
I often find this happening in food and beverage places--especially Starbucks and Pancho Villa (Mexican restaurant a few blocks from my house). It's happened so often at the latter location that as I begin to say, "Jeez, I'm glad . . ." my kids cut me off and finish with "we got here when we did? Look at the line?" Shhhee. I really have turned into my mother . . .
Really, if I'm standing in a really long line, it's probably worth the time I'm taking to wait. Otherwise, why would there be a line? So, while there is always a negative view to take when we don't get what we want right when we want it--the waiting, while perhaps "the hardest part" (in the words of Tom Petty), may often be the best thing for us.
Today I will be grateful for where I am in life (and line).
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| I realize this image has seemingly NOTHING to do with the above post, but in terms of being grateful for where I am in life--thank holy God I did not come up in an era where ads for booklets like this were being published and circulated. |
Day 20: An Unexpected Upgrade to Business Class
Though I've heard of such things happening, I've never experienced the "unexpected upgrade" in airplane seats. What a happiness-bringer this would be!
Today I will be grateful for "unexpected" gifts.
Day 19: A Rocking Chair
In college I dated someone who lived with a guy who sat all.day. rocking in a chair on their front porch with a stack of books beside him. He ultimately failed out of school because he never went to class. But he completed about 3 books a week. He was probably the most educated student at NC State.
My dream house has a wrap around porch with rocking chairs and a view. The rocking chair, in my opinion, is as good as the nook in which it is placed.
Today I will find a comfortable place to rest.
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| Dream House Reading Nook (w/ rocking chair!) |
Day 18: Piggyback Rides
I love giving piggyback rides to my children. I'm not sure there's more to say on this point :-)
Today I will give a piggyback ride.
Day 17: Falling Asleep to the Sound of Your Cat Purring
It has been quite a while since I had a cat. As an inherent "pleaser," cats can break my heart. What an aloof group of animals who could not care less what others want or need from them! I remember my Intro to Western Philosophy professor talking about innateness and using cats as an example: "If you don't want a pet that will scratch up your furniture, only show affection when it wants something, and bring dead animals into the house, don't get a cat. Because that's what cats do."
There is something extremely satisfying about feeling as though I've made a cat so content that it is purring. I don't recall if I ever "fell asleep" to this sound, but I imagine it would be the kind of sound that would instill enough peace to drift into slumber.
Today I will seek serenity in helping others to be comfortable.
Day 16: School Friends
My friends have always been school friends. I was lucky enough to grow up in a neighborhood where the kids with whom I rode bikes and scouted the woods were also the kids I sat next to year after year in school. I was also lucky enough to attend the same small school from Kindergarten through 12th grade--so we emerged more like siblings after thirteen years of tests and projects and holidays and birthdays and fights and awards and slumber parties and dances and crushes and sports teams and car crashes and auditions and groundings and detention study halls and concerts and late night phone calls and first times and trouble and . . . everything.
When I left for college I actually had to make friends with new people for the first time. And I was one of 27,000 undergrads at NC State University. So, I joined a sorority--where God brought into my life the best group of women I could have asked for. Though I rarely see them anymore (thank you Facebook for giving me a front row seat to the passage of their days), when we do reunite we pick up where we left off.
I maintain TWO good friends from graduate school (who married each other) and make it a point to see them as often as possible.
As a teacher, the majority of my adult friendships were formed in faculty lounges and dining rooms, where we discuss the daily proceedings of high school students and, occasionally, our lives outside of school.
My most recent friendships have formed also in educational settings--learning to be stronger, healthier human beings (prayer groups, book circles, Mom clubs, etc.). I am grateful for the "school" settings in which my best friendships have formed--with substance and common interest and struggle and fellowship.
Yesterday, I was driving from an appointment to pick up my children from my in-laws' house. Along the road I always travel, I slowed down for someone who was getting into his car (the driver's side door was opened into the street). After a quick double take, I realized the driver was a friend from high school (in Virginia) who recently moved from San Francisco into my mother-in-law's neighborhood on the peninsula. The odds of this encounter are so slim that I could only attribute the moment to a "god shot." In an afternoon of depression and anxiety--of generally feeling lost in life, I bumped into someone who immediately grounds me in myself and reminds me who I am. I was overwhelmed with gratitude.
Today I will get in touch with school friends.
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| Winter 1996 (age 18) |
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| September 2017 (age 39) |
Day 15: Simplicity
What a great one. From our advertising, to our educational system, to social media, to . . . everything, our culture tells us "more is better." Meanwhile, one in six Americans take prescription medication to deal with life--most of these are antidepressants with anti-anxiety and attention aids just behind. I think there exists no better evidence that a culture of "get more!" does not make us happy humans. Henry David Thoreau wrote in Walden, "Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! I say, let your affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand . . . Our life is frittered away by detail . . . Simplify, simplify!" practically begging his 19th-century readers to de-complicate their lives. How much more frivolous and complicated and cluttered have things gotten in the past 200 years?!
When we accept the need for another apple device or lip gloss or bank account or pair of shoes, we are implying that the marketers of such things know better what we need than we do ourselves. My favorite Thoreau quotation is this: "Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth." Truth--as simple as it gets--is the great channel to freedom.
Today I will keep it simple.
Day 14: Talking Music With Someone Who Gets It
This is a tricky one--and it all comes down to the meaning of "it." Talking music with someone who shares my taste in music seems like it would be a happy time, if it didn't (as it often can with people who like to "talk music") turn into a competition about who is more intelligent with their music details or who has seen more live performances. I like such a variety of music, I often feel inferior to "music talkers"--like I'm not discerning enough in my taste to even be allowed an opinion. The only genres I shy away from are really heavy metal (like Slayer and Megadeath--sorry to al the ex-boyfriends with whom I pretended to like this noise) and techno/house music. Beyond that, I'll take it: classic rock, R&B, pop, oldies, country, jazz, rap, show tunes (some), classical, movie scores, etc. etc. etc. There are, of course, individual artists I dislike among the broader genres: Kenny Chesney, Neil Young, Steely Dan, Kanye--but, this does not make me special.
One of my favorite things is playing music off my iPhone and hearing my little children singing along--Jackson Five and Dolly Parton are among their favorites. And it makes my heart happy.
Today I will share music with someone
Day 13: Growing a Good Beard
Okay--item #2 that I've never experienced. But. I totally see myself as a beard person if I were of a gender wherein it is socially acceptable to have hair anywhere off the head. My only hope is that I would be able to grow a decent beard. The men in my family are not bearded men--and there is probably a reason for that.
Today I will appreciate individual style choices.
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| The beard I fear I would grow |
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| The beard I would LOVE to have |
Day 12: Free Hotel Breakfast
Depending on the hotel, of course, this is always a wonderful thing to wake up to. Truly, anything that takes the guesswork out of my day brings happiness (redefined, as I have, to mean "serenity"). Recently, my husband booked a beautiful trip to Maui for my 40th birthday. The "free" breakfast (thrown in to make us feel better about the exorbitant resort cost) had anything one could possibly desire for breakfast and served as a good hunger satisfier until our embarrassingly early dinner reservations.
Today I will take my free opportunities where I find them.
Day 11: Hitting a Piñata
I don't think I saw a real piñata (outside of the "plethora" at El Guapo's 40th birthday party in The Three Amigos) until I lived in California and began attending kid birthday parties --circa 2005. In fact, I don't know if I have even hit a piñata before. I'm sure it's a blast.
This "happiness" item begs the question, a bit, what is our fascination with smacking the heck out of a donkey or Elmo or President Trump's toupeed head (okay, I get the last one)? I don't think it's the candy or money prize that falls out of it. I truly think it's the cathartic release of knocking something six ways from Sunday until it cracks open. Yeeps.
Today I will destress in a non-violent way.
Day 10: A Picnic
Picnics are great and I do not do them enough. Having said that, I kind of hate them--in the same way I kind of hate camping. Both require anticipation of and planning for future needs (something in which I am not super adept). I do not hail from a family of pinickers, so it was not a regular activity to practice and learn from as I grew up. I believe the people who do these things well are people who do them early and often. You'll notice, if you vacation with people who own beach houses and spend a lot of time on the coast, there is a "good" way to pack for a day at the beach. They think of things like rolling carts and canopies, they have adequate chairs and beer koozies. They know that spray sunscreen is better for reapplying than lotion--once the hands have gotten all salty and sandy. And they always have hats.
I think picnics are the same way. It seems like a fun idea: eating food outside. In nature. Until I am actually doing it. Usually I have only thought to pack the food that I think will be manageable at an outdoor venue. I might forget napkins or a table cloth or something to weigh down these items against strong breezes that often occur during picnics. I will forget cups and utensils if they are necessary.
But, yeah, a picnic sounds nice--we should take one soon.
Today I will plan a pause in my day to spend time with loved ones. Maybe outside, maybe not.
Day 9: When a Ladybug Lands on You
This has always been a happy moment, because I feel so trustworthy. I understand the initial contact is mere luck--right place at the right time (for me, at least, I certainly cannot presume to speak for how the ladybugs feel about these encounters). It's also a good reminder that I am not in control of how my day goes. I rarely coax a ladybug to me. Much more often, our paths fortuitously converge for a brief moment and it is something I have neither anticipated or directed in any way.
So--the bump-into is fun in its unexpectedness, but when the harmless insect decides not to fly away immediately, it's a very serene moment. It is impossible to not be IN that moment with the ladybug--watching where it walks, wondering how long it will stay, contemplating the "good luck" it is rumored to bring, etc. Any occurence that makes me undeniably aware of the present moment is a gift.
Today I will be present to the day--as it comes to me.
Day 8: Pottery on the Wheel
When I began this blog, I assumed there would be some "Happiness" experiences among the 500 (!) with which I would not have personal experience. Here's the first! My only experience with pottery on a wheel is watching the scene in Ghost and any number of hilarious spoofs of said scene. I can imagine that throwing pottery on a wheel would be fun (especially if late-Eighties Patrick Swayze was nearby), because any creative process is fun. It is impossible to be bored when we are using our minds and hands to mold or bring shape to something.
Today, in any form it takes, I will do something creative.
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| I.love.Family.Guy. |
Pizza is my favorite food and I would be hard-pressed to remember at time when this wasn't so. During "adult" conversations about "desert island" picks, often it is asked, "If you could only have one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?" My answer, unflinchingly, is always the same: pepperoni pizza. Extra pepperonis would always make me happy. And to expand the thought (why not?), there seems to be a belief that "extra" or more of anything we love would be a happiness inducer. There is also an adage, however, that warns "Everything in moderation, nothing to excess." Extra pepperoni makes me very happy, until my scale exceeds a certain number, or my doctor thinks my cholesterol is too high, or whatever consequence may follow my potential for gluttony.
Another thing that always brings happiness about pizza is not having cooked. I suppose the day might come when I actually prep, assemble, and bake my own pizza from scratch, but for now it means less work :D
And, lastly, I don't need pizza to eat pepperonis. My daughter and I can kill a pack of pepperonis by looking at it.
Day 6: Spooning
Spooning was a common practice in my romantic relationship before children came along. Since then, it only exists with my children or my dog. There is something very secure about the spoon position. "I've got you," one says to another. "I love you, and you are mine."
Today I will spoon with someone I love.
Day 5: A View of Rooftops
When I think about seeing rooftops, I think about flying in somewhere on an airplane. I remember when I first moved from the east coast to California in the summer of 2002, I flew into Oakland and noticed that the rooftops created a sea of orange, punctuated with the tops of green palm trees. The landscape was was so unfamiliar, emphasizing the great change about to occur--at once both exciting and terrifying. I was, incidentally, obSESSED with palm trees when I first moved to the Bay Area because they were synonymous with islands and "vacation." The only time I ever saw palm trees prior to living in CA was during family trips to southeast destinations like Hilton Head, SC, Kiawah Island, SC, and Amelia Island, FL. We always knew we were getting close to the end of the long drive when the palm trees came into view.
To be at an angle for rooftop viewing signals being present to life in some way. Either I have hiked to a high point in a town, I am flying through the air, or I am standing on a balcony of a building I do not live in. One way or another, I am not stuck in the mundanity of my day-to-day if I am viewing rooftops.
Today I will consider another perspective before speaking or acting.
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| Suburbs of Richmond, VA |
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| Suburbs of San Francisco, CA |
Certainly the concept of getting something for nothing is one I can get behind as a happiness-bringer. What comes to mind when I think about vending machines is the loss of money. What occurs more often than the fortuitous "extra," is the stuck item that forces you to either buy a second item to free the dangling hostage or abandon the machine (perhaps after a few slams on the side), and thus make possible the next person's "thing to be happy about." In fact, this latter occurrence happened often enough that I found myself being happy when the item I selected actually came clear of its shelf prison without incident.
This concept, in many religious contexts, is the concept of grace--a free, undeserved gift. We can pass this on in many forms: helping someone who struggles to make exact change at the check stand, putting extra money in the meter before leaving the parking lot, giving a no-strings-attached compliment, wishing a stranger well, or just listening when someone needs to talk.
Today I will be aware of opportunity to give a little extra, for no reason at all.
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| From Oprah & Deepak Chopra's 21-Day Meditation Experience |
Day 3: The Chocolate Bar You Forgot You Had
So, the timing of this one is funny. I stepped on the scale this morning and weighed in juuuuust shy of 165. At 5'9'', this is 15-20 pounds heavier than I want to be. NOT a "happy" moment. The negative self-talk immediately commenced--"Alright, you fat @#$%, it's time to cut sugar--entirely." Under normal circumstances, I would be delighted to happen upon a chocolate anything, though I cannot recall in the history of my life one single instance of "forgetting" I had chocolate. Like champagne, it never had much of a chance to get misplaced. Once secured, it was as good as consumed.
So, I will do what I often force my students to do in the English classroom: I will interpret chocolate as a rich symbol of any forgotten sweetness, whether it be the $10 I left in a random pocket of my coat, or the God of my understanding I've neglected to consider for days. And should I stumble upon actual forgotten chocolate, I will most certainly pay that good fortune forward.
Today I will be grateful for the retrieval of lost treasures.
Day 2: A Pinky Promise
I've never been one for "pinky promises," but I think they imply two things which definitely bring joy into my life: 1. children, and 2. accountability. Kids make pinky promises. The only people with whom I've ever made a pinky promise are my children. These usually entail me promising to do something for or with them and it's an insurance of follow-through on my end. For example, Joey (my 4-year-old) asks me to construct his latest 768-piece Lego contraption to which I reply, "I can't do it right now I'm (fill in the menial housework chore), but we can do it this afternoon. Pinky promise?" And then we are entered into an unbreakable contract.
Today I will make a pinky promise with my children.
Day 1: The Start of a Journey
I'm a mess . . . again. I need an outlet. Santa gave my 7-year-old a book in her stocking titled Happiness is . . .: 500 Things to Be Happy About (Chronicle Books, 2014). Santa was having a projection moment as [s]he scanned the discount aisle in Target, apparently. Though my daughter loves this stuff, the first thing she said when seeing it was, "I think Santa meant to put this in Daddy's stocking." Both hilarious and heartbreaking. And I would be lying to say I wasn't a tad relieved she picked her other parent to assess in this way. But, the truth is, I need the book too.
I feel like I have become a bit of a Happiness Agnostic. Happiness, as a state of being, may be good for other people to believe in and strive for, but it's not for me. I've actually gotten to a place where I don't even know what the word means. I used to think it meant laughing, smiling, excitement, joy--like seeing a Christmas tree with a truck-load of wrapped presents beneath it. I used to think "happy" was something we get from external circumstances. When things go our way, when people give us what we want, when the outside world stimulates us, we can be happy. I think, at age 40, I now have enough spiritual footing to understand that whatever "happy" is, it comes from within. It's not a reactive emotion, but a proactive choice--an exciting and daunting revelation. I can make the choice to be happy or miserable, and if I choose the former, my work has just begun. Rabbi Rami Shapiro writes, "I made the choice for heaven, and having done so, I went in search of tools for living it." According to this spiritual leader (and many others worth reading), "heaven" is a state of mind that exists here and now, but not without some effort on our part to cultivate it. We have to work to access it--but it's there. Perhaps among these pages of "500 things to be happy about," I will unearth some useful tools.
And I need to re-engage with my blog.
And I need daily time for prayer, reading, and reflection/self-examination.
So, here we go with another daily project--devoted not to physical fitness or emotional well-being, but to spiritual uplift (with maybe a bit of bummer honesty thrown in from time to time--it's just what I do). One of my favorite things is BEGINNING something new. And I'm especially good at ENDING things. I get a little more resistant to the maintenance phase . . . the struggle will be real by about Day 10. As self-discipline is a practice I shirk on a regular basis, I've set myself on an ambitious journey to be sure. If I can be faithful to this task, my last blog post will occur Saturday, May 11, 2019 (the day after my son's 6th birthday). We shall see if, in fact, I have cultivated some "happiness" through the regular practices of reflection, writing, and being grateful for the abundance of gifts present in my daily life.
Thank God no one reads this thing ;-)
Today I will start a journey toward happiness (which I understand to be serenity and "right" living).
Some wisdom to set me on my way:
- "The LORD [love] makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him [it]; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD [love] upholds him with His [its] hand." --Psalm 37:23-24
- "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." --Gandhi
- "Suffering is due to attachment" --2nd Noble Truth of Buddhism
- "Right concentration is meditating in such a way as to progressively realize a true understanding of imperfection, impermanence, and non-separateness." #8 of the Buddhist Eight Fold Path
- "When temptation comes, I don't say, 'Yes,' and I don't say, 'No.' I say, 'Later,' I just keep walking the Red Road -- down the middle. When you're in the middle, you don't go to either extreme. You allow both sides to exist." --Dr. A.C. Ross (Ehanamani), LAKOTA
Swerling, Lisa & Ralph Lazar. Happiness Is . . .: 500 Things to Be Happy About. San Francisco: Chronicle Books, 2014.
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