We Wear the Mask: An Experience with Quarantine

(Another blog I began pre-divorce proceedings--originally composed in late April 2020--finished in early April 2021.  We are still in pandemic conditions, but things are looking up with some highly effective vaccines and an eager readiness to get back to "normal" life)

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I haven't blogged in a while, but it seems like a silly thing to do to let a plague pass by and not record something of the things I'm learning through it.  First, let's be clear.   Everything has changed.  There will be a time "before COVID-19" or "Coronavirus" (for after this, there will only be one that people really talk about) and a time after.  One six-month sweep of a highly contagious respiratory infection has changed human life on planet earth as we know it.  Only time will reveal the myriad ways in which this will occur.  But, we can see some at present:

I. Distance Learning: omg.  I feel like I should save this one for later, but it is kind of when my Coronavirus journey began.  And, in truth, this section needs to be split into 1. High School Seniors and 2. Elementary Homeschool.

A. Home Work: The first rule of "working at home" is to establish a work space--preferably one that is removed from the other spaces of your daily living.  I have no such space.  We quickly established the dining room table as our collective work table and dining area (and game-playing area).  I wish I had an office/library/study whereto I could retreat to teach and read and work.  Similarly, I wish my kids had at least their own desks from which to work.  One of the things that makes the homeschooling difficult is that we are all in each other's work space.  I can simultaneously oversee Joey's handwriting exercise and edit a google doc for my daughter's 4th-grade social studies homework.  While that may sound efficient and productive, it's actually confusing and chaotic--a survival state, at best.

B. Homework: By definition, homework is work a student can accomplish on his or her own.  It is meant to prepare for an upcoming lesson, practice a recently acquired skill, or (in some rare cases) extend a lesson.  The latter produces assignments that are fun for teachers to construct and grade, but difficult for students to accomplish.  And, in elementary school, those "extend the lesson" assignments get completed by parents who are involved in their kids' education.
       1. High School Seniors--the homework I have assigned to the students I am teaching is, in some         ways, in this latter category that is little work for the teacher to assign, but a lot of work for the           student to complete.  I have decided to join my students in my own research assignment--and I'm         being very transparent with them, having added them all as "peer reviewers" to my project on             Noodletools (high school teachers, if you are unfamiliar with this research tool, it is a great                 "surveillance" and communication platform--as well as a user-friendly place to record a research         journey).  I truly want the empathy gained from doing an assignment with them.  And, I always           thought, if I wouldn't want to (read, write about, learn) do this, I certainly cannot ask a group               of about 65 17-18 year olds to do it.
       2. Elementary Homeschool--the homework my kids are doing is getting a bit more manageable.
       It took the teachers of my children's school a little time to discover that they simply cannot                   replicate via "distance learning," what they accomplish in the classroom.  If there's one thing this         experience has taught me, it is that real learning happens in a classroom in a way it cannot                   happen at our dining room table--no matter who is involved.  The only recourse teachers have to gauge their students' learning is to administer assessments.  So, teachers have then effectively turned school into the one thing all students hate: homework and tests.  Barf. Rinse. Repeat.

II. Housekeeping: The thing about staying home all time --trash, laundry and dishes . . . in SPADES.  I've never had such difficulty stuffing trash bags into the bin while waiting for pick up day to roll around.  I've never had so many conversations with my children about rewearing pjs and other clothing.  And I've never washed so many frickin dishes in all my days.  It's an interesting glimpse into what life would have been like for the typical middle-class "housewife" of bygone days.

III. Self-Care:  This has been trickier than I thought it would be.  It seems reasonable with nothing but time on our hands and nowhere to go, there would be plenty of time for reading, exercise, meditation, journaling, constructive Netflix documentary binging, etc.  Not so, as it turns out.  There is some nefarious codependent core to my being that concerns itself entirely with managing everyone else's moods and recreation.  When we are all shut up in a house together, that's a lot of other-people management.  My hair has been grayer, my body heavier, my teeth scuzzier in "quarantine," than in any other time of my adult life.  The one thing I was able to do--the ultimate act of self-care--was voice my desire for a divorce.  It's the least codependent thing I've ever done.