I'd like to say that I've been so bitten by the "Lenten Season" bug that I opted for Sunday mass this morning of my own free will. Not really. Joey's 4th grade class mass was today, and so Emily and I were conscripted into attendance. The readings and homily, however, were exactly what I needed to hear. Readings about temptation -- about thinking I know what's best for me and forgetting to include God in any plans -- about fearing what I have to lose or stand to not gain -- about lying to myself in my own language. Good lord, it was just so spot on.
The first reading centered on the temptation in the Garden of Eden. Satan approaches Eve (perhaps believing he could work with her inferior position in the scheme of things) to suggest that the injunction she's been given to not eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil is, for lack of a better word, bullshit. Satan lies to Eve in her own language --the language of fear of not being good enough. John Milton illustrates this exchange so beautifully in Paradise Lost when he delivers the temptation boom in Book IX. After convincing Eve that he, as a serpent, can speak because he himself tasted the fruit of this tree and was greatly improved by it, Satan moves in for the deadly scarcity message:
"Shall that be shut to Man which to the Beast
Is open? or will God incense his ire
For such a petty trespass, and not praise
Rather your dauntless virtue, whom the pain
Of Death denounced, whatever thing Death be,
Deterred not from achieving what might lead
To happier life, knowledge of Good and Evil? . . .
Why then was this forbid? Why but to awe,
Why but to keep ye low and ignorant,
His worshippers?" (691-7, 703-5)
John Milton, some say, was a bit of an arrogant asshole. But he was indisputably a genius --so, I think he adeptly understood the concept of pride and ego and how Satan (who rebelled against God for the exact same frustration he senses in Eve) could target this trait in her to effect his plan. He lies to Eve in the language of her own fears of insufficiency and wounded ego. "God doesn't think much of you, does he, that he would prohibit you from partaking in this Godlike fruit that he has allowed me--a lowly snake--to eat." But it's all a lie. Satan is not a snake. He has eaten no fruit. She just doesn't know what she doesn't know. What she knows is her own sense of self-worth. And it's fading fast under Satan's postulations.
That was a good first reading today to illustrate how quickly I can be deterred from trusting God's will if I'm only encouraged--for even a short time, by a seemingly credible source--to be afraid of my own inadequacy.
The second reading was taken from the Gospel according to Matthew and features Jesus being tempted by the same Satan who has a knack for turning one's greatest fears against him. Jesus does not buckle, but Satan makes three attempts. In the first temptation, he hopes to entice Jesus, who has been fasting for over a month in the desert, with food. Jesus draws from the divine scripture to respond. Satan's second pass is to tempt Jesus to test God--"Hey, if you're so sure of this God of yours, fling yourself off this cliff and see if He saves you!" Jesus again draws from what he knows about holy teachings to respond, "Again it is written, 'You shall not put the Lord, your God, to the test." On his third attempt, Satan goes old school --takes Jesus to the top of a mountain and says, "Look, man--ALL of that can be yours if you just forget about this God (LOVE) of yours and come follow me (FEAR)." Jesus says, one more time, "It is written: 'The Lord, your God, shall you worship and him alone shall you serve.'" And so Satan bails, presumably to go find less formidable temptees.
Knowing what we know about Satan (again, read: fear), we know he must have been lying to Jesus in his own language. Jesus of Nazareth was a human being. What human can withstand the true pain of starvation hunger? Or the call to place faith in himself and his own ability to manipulate a situation? Or a need to be significant and secure in his own earthly power? Make no mistake. Satan had Jesus' number. But Jesus never broke off from his deep-seeded trust in divine scriptures and the teachings of his faith. He threw his unbroken connection with God right back at Satan and it fortified him against the grip of a universally human fear that sometimes whispers and sometimes screams: "You are not good enough. You are unlovable."
Here's the truth. God is love. Sin is fear. Fear is not evil. It is a human condition. But it can most certainly lead to evil. I have a choice to make every minute of every day--which master I will serve. Today, I will choose love.
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