Lenten Reflection: Ash Wednesday

I really love Lent. And I love Ash Wednesday --probably more than Easter. This is the hard work of reflecting on the things that hold us back from being the best version of ourselves (read: fear).

A few years ago, I made a shift in my Lenten season resolves to add in a healthy behavior, rather than just remove an unhealthy behavior. This year, along with removing the excess of sugar and attention/sympathy-seeking, I wanted to add in daily exercise (walking, really) and a regular reflective writing practice.

I blew past the opportunity to write about Ash Wednesday this week, but it is the kick off event for Lent and so should be reflected on and written about, albeit days later. I dug through some old writing and resurfaced a poem written, I believe, back in 2016:

Ash Wednesday

Hers is perfect:  

a beautiful symmetry of crossed ash

revealing the faultless state of her soul.

The black edges blend into the skin,

as if the particles knew not what it meant

to be separate from her brow—

the home of patient expression, 

inexplicable love, and assurance 

in those around her.

Everyone knows her faith today;

her ashen forehead reveals her order,

her inner-peace, her integrity.

Mine is horrid:

a smudge—something like 

marks on police reports—

revealing chaos within.

The muddled blob sits clumsily

until someone remarks:

“You have dirt on your face.”

“No,” I say, knitting my sullied brow,

“It’s Ash Wednesday.”

But the tacit truth remains:

I have dirt on my soul—

disclosed to you now

through the guise of piousness.

I can't say the sentiment has changed in the 7 years since this poem was composed.

Ashes signify the remnants of something that once was but has since passed away. A death and a resurrection. When I take the ashes on my forehead, I surrender to my imperfection and those aspects of myself that need to die so I can be reborn into clearer perspective, kinder action, more compassion and greater connection with my higher power.

Ash Wednesday is a perfect start to a season of growth and movement in the right direction: forward.